After doing a study I received many questions. However, amongst the various, thought-provoking questions received, and the jovial banter, it was such an eye-opening time. One of the ladies, who was the only married person there, kept saying, ‘I wish I had known these things before I got married…”
So, what are these things that she wished she had known?
Firstly, there are no ‘dating rules’, there are no guarantees. There is no ‘one size fits all’.
Being single is a time where you can discover more about yourself, and more about God. You can allow yourself to be healed and transformed by His amazing love. However, you can also use this time to mope around and fixate on how miserable your life is, being alone. It’s your choice. Although the latter is not helpful, at all. Being single is a time where you can take any broken areas you may have, to God, and together you can allow him to help you. So, when you finally do meet that special someone, you can go to them with something to offer, not just demanding them to give you something.
Marriage is about out-serving, out-loving and out-giving, without expecting anything in return. Many want marriage, but do not understand what it means to be a husband or a wife. You choose how complicated your marriage will be, by the person you choose to marry.
Singleness should be enjoyed, not just ‘tolerated’ or a season of waiting.
Look for character, in a potential spouse, not just for the physical/chemistry.
A woman was created to be a helper to the man. Both are to be equally submitted to one another. The man is not to lord over the woman and vice versa. The second most important decision you will ever make, is who you will marry, the first is to enter into a relationship with God.
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Perfect love castes out ALL fear. We are not to be desperate and fearful for the future. God has a good plan for each of us, to prosper us and give us a future (Jeremiah 29:11) so keep trusting in Him and discovering who you are.
Don’t limit God by fleshly requests. Ask God to renew your mind in what true beauty is, as the media/movies/social media etc. has tainted our idea of beauty.
The foundation of any healthy relationship is Grace.
Marry/date someone who values what you value. The purpose of dating someone is to discover if he/she is the person you want to spend your life with. Purposeless dating brings bad fruit.
The world’s view on marriage/dating is ‘what can I get out of this?’ or ‘how can this person make my life better?’ However, the question we could rather be asking is, ‘How can I be a blessing to this person?’ Be rooted and grounded in God’s grace and His love, first, and renew your mind, it is an ongoing process.
Dating should not bring negativity, hurt and pain, although, it sometimes does. Trust God with this area of your life, and He will guide you in it. Go to Him, first for that love you are seeking. Only His love is unconditional and perfect, remember that!