I was coming out of a long season of pressure, exhaustion, and disappointment. The year that had passed before me had chewed me up and spit me out. I had never experienced so much adversity as I had in this year in so many different areas. Somehow, through it all, I had never felt closer to God. I would continuously say to God, “I’m faithfully yours.” He has used this season of inadequacy to display his up-most grace and ability. For that, I am so grateful.
He showed me during this season that He did not require anything of me but the surrender of my heart to His leading. I drew so close to him in these trying times. Through adoption stressors, Illness, and persecution, I found myself at the feet of Jesus daily.
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On a recent trip to Nicaragua I was given an opportunity to get a tattoo. Without question, I knew wanted to get one. I wanted my new tattoo to symbolize the season that God had carried me through. Without hesitation, I knew I needed a declaration of God’s faithfulness.
So, in a spur of the moment decision with an 18-year-old Nicaraguan tattoo artist, I made the declaration to God that I was “Faithfully his.“
I felt like God had been breathing Song of Solomon over me. More specifically me setting God as a seal upon my heart. He was prompting me to make a covenant with him, and without question, I did.
This verse had replayed in my mind over the last month, and I couldn’t shake the imagery of setting Him as a seal upon my arm. A declaration of my faithfulness to him with despite the appearance of my current season of life.
“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love; neither can floods drown it.” – Song of Solomon 8:6
It wasn’t but three weeks later that my world continued to crash around me. The things I had thought were treacherous before became minuscule with the problems we were now facing. A significant component of our life had dissolved and had changed the trajectory of our lives. Our dog tragically died, three of our cars broke down in three days, and three of our closest family members were in the hospital. The wake of a dissolved endeavor was crushing, and we weren’t sure where God was in any of this.
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I couldn’t help but plead with God; Why…?
I tried to reason that we have been through enough in this last season and suddenly I remembered a sweet promise I had made, a declaration I had spoken and written on my arm as a covenant to Him, and at the moment I knew why I had placed those words on my arm three weeks before. My life’s devastation wasn’t news to God, but His love for me allowed me to solidify in my heart, my faithfulness to Him before the second storm hit in my life.
I love that in our mountain top moments Gods solidifies the promises we need to get through the dark and hopeless valleys. He is the same yesterday today and forever. However, we change daily in our constant struggles and victories, and usually, our relationships fluctuate based on our need for God in our lives. In our moments of contentment, we often allow ourselves to no longer depend on God. I have learned in this long season of struggle that God is so present to hear my prayers. There are so many verses in the bible that point to Gods love and closeness to the suffering.
In my season of suffering, I spent so much time looking for a way out, and God has convicted me to press into Him through all of it. If this is a season you are facing, I encourage you to stay exactly where you are. In the hurt, in the struggle, God is there with us. He inclines His ears to hear our prayers (Psalm 116:2) He cherishes time with us while we are lying at the feet of Jesus surrender into him. As I cry myself to sleep more nights then I’d like to count, I feel God’s presence and Grace.
Without hesitation, I speak to Him, once again, that I am “Faithfully yours.”
My prayer for you
“God, your word says that you were close to the brokenhearted. Father, we know that you delight in our faithfulness through trials and tribulations. God, I pray for encouragement for those who are in a season of suffering that we will encounter you there during the struggle. I pray against our natural urge to flee persecution and the things that come to test us.
God, show us what you are and draw us near to you amid our storm, I pray in our momentary affliction we can get a glimpse of your eternal glory. Let us take the focus off of us and lift our eyes to the God who raises the dead- you Lord, the God who is worthy of praise despite our circumstances. Help our faithfulness grow in you daily help us fix our eyes on YOU and you alone. We ask that you set your promises as a seal upon our heart. It is in your name we pray, Amen.”