If you’re single, you may think you want to read this article. I will say as a warning, this may be more than what you’re looking for. Let me just start by saying if you’re single and you don’t see any end in sight to your singleness, I feel your pain. I was single at 19. No girlfriend then or ever. There was no end in sight for eternity as far as I was concerned. I had so many girls, friend zone me. I was told multiple times I’d be a great husband but not a boyfriend. Which made zero sense to me. My formula clearly didn’t work.
I mean you have to date before you marry, right?
All I wanted was a girlfriend. Finding someone I could love, hold, kiss and share moments with. That’s what I told myself anyways. Honestly, I was lonely. Incredibly lonely. I did not know the formula I was missing. I envied everyone around me with their relationships. Regardless of how dysfunctional they were. I just wanted someone to love. Or, you could say I just wanted someone to love me. I was letting the world tell me I lacked value because I couldn’t find someone to date. Allowing the world to tell me my worth and that I wasn’t love-able. I believed them. Hook, line, and sinker. Feed me to the wolves because you got me.
When I was an early teen, I would resort to cutting myself to rid the pain. That formula seemed right. Then I got high to numb the pain. Another formula I could control. Then I ignored it hoping it would go away. It never did. I even had my daughter’s name picked out at 14. A daughter that I wasn’t confident I would ever have. I always had a desire for someone to call “mine.”
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Genesis tells us God said it was not good for a man to be alone. I can definitely attest it was never good for me. I was 19, single, never in a relationship, and extremely broken and ready for a change. You may think the formula I’m about to share is going to fix all your problems. Which, in all honesty it definitely can. I just don’t know if you’re ready for it. This is one of those wherever you are, there you are kind of things.
For me, the thing that finally worked, was giving it all to God.
Now, I don’t mean a simple prayer where I’m hoping he takes my pain from my hand as I grip tighter and tighter not wanting to let go. I mean a complex and long prayer. I cried my eyes out in my room to God sorry for ever wanting someone on this earth more than I ever wanted him. This was an ugly cry. The kind where snot goes everywhere and your eyes are puffy. I told God I was done. I told him I didn’t want a girlfriend anymore and if it was just supposed to be me and him for life I was okay with that. Truly okay.
I genuinely settled upon the idea God was “Calling me to singleness”
The reality was God wasn’t calling me to singleness. He was calling me to him. As much as I was hurting because a girl wasn’t choosing me, God was hurt because I wasn’t choosing him. It all made sense to me in a moment. Scripture tells us God will give us the desires of our heart. But my desire was changing. I didn’t want a girl to satisfy my loneliness anymore, I didn’t need her. What was happening, I was realizing I needed Jesus. I genuinely realized in that moment, God literally had all the love I would ever need and more. So, I gave it up and walked away.
I got up from the ground that night, at peace, not lonely, not sad, or envious. I was joyful and I had the right formula. Ready to start my life as a man after Gods heart, alone. Just me and my Jesus. A week later I was at Arbys with some friends after church and I met a girl named Lauren. She’ll tell you she knew the moment she met me she was going to marry me. I was still dealing with my new calling.
Little did I know at that moment, 7 days after giving it all to God, he gave me something back.
You see, Lauren also had never had a relationship. Lauren also gave it to God a few weeks before she met me in all my swag at Arbys chomping on that beef and cheddar with curly fries. 5 years later, I married the woman God had on reserve for me. 3 years after that, we had a beautiful daughter whose name, God gave me when I was 14 years old.
We just celebrated 10 years of being in a relationship together. I was terrified of being alone or at least I thought. Deep down I was actually terrified of trusting God. I used to think there was more to the equation. I know better now.