Desperation. This is a word that I became so familiar with last year. Imagine, dreaming of something for years and it finally coming to fruition! This is what happened to me a few years ago. I was beyond excited for a new adventure that I had entered! But what I didn’t expect was all the trials and painful growth that I would have to go through to keep my dream alive. Here is my journey, going from desperate and anxious to joyful and thankful.
After my “dream came true” I didn’t realize that the next year and a half would be a roller coaster of triumphs and trials.
For a few months, I wallowed in self-pity from this situation I had entered and began to have a “victim mentality.” I felt so victimized and alone that I began to have anxiety daily. Anxiety was supposed to be something that was just in my past. God had freed me from chronic anxiety back in 2010! How was this happening to me again?!
(I know you may be wondering, “what is this situation that Alecia is referring to?” I’m intentionally leaving those details out for now; because it takes away from the importance of this post.)
My fear of going back into this hole of never-ending anxiety dropped me to my knees. And made me realize that I could no longer allow my situation or other people to rule my emotions. And that the only way I was going to get free from anxiety was to completely rely on God. God has saved me and helped me so many times before, but I needed Him again! And I will continue to need Him daily until I meet Him face to face!
I can remember one morning waking up and feeling overwhelmed and in a panic.
I got up right away and went into my spare room where I pray and spend time with God. Quickly, I dropped to my knees and began weeping and telling God how overwhelmed I was with life. Within minutes I felt God’s love and peace cover me like a warm blanket straight out of the dryer. He took away my fear and worry. Then He overwhelmed me with His peace and comfort and helped me to choose to walk in His peace and joy.
This is a moment that I will never forget!
God is so good, and He truly cares about everything we go through. – This doesn’t mean that the next year or so was easy. It was quite the opposite. I still had many moments of worry and wanting to throw in the towel, but I kept on pushing through and relying on God. I woke up every day and I decided to be happy and to be thankful for the season that I was in.
Now, on the other side of this time in my life; I can see that God used this time to grow me. He grew me spiritually and mentally. And most importantly I grew closer to my creator and Father in Heaven.
I am beyond thankful for this time because I got to see a new side of my God and I know just a little bit more of how much He loves me.
If you are going through a similar situation here are some scriptures and a song that really helped me get through this time. (Defender by Francesca Battistelli ft. Steffany Gretzinger)
A crucial step in going from desperate and anxious to joyful and thankful is clinging to the word of God. Here are two scriptures that have helped me:
Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution, he will come to save you. – Isaiah 35:4
I found a picture of Philippians 4:8 and I put it as the lock screen on my phone to remind myself to only think about these things and not on any negativity. This really changed my perspective and helped me to stop complaining and focusing on the wrong things.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. – Philippians 4:6-8