Are you the person everyone calls when there is a problem, or when someone needs answers? Are you looked to when there is a crisis, or when an immediate solution is in need? Is making excuses something you feel happens often, or there is a lack of ownership and accountability in some of your interactions with others? Ask yourself these questions: are you being an enabler, are you putting yourself in a position of being a teacher, or are you trying to save people? Just a reminder, saving people isn’t on us. That’s Gods work, no matter how hard we try.
People are accountable for their own lives and while we may be able to solve problems (and be quite good at it), how are you teaching the people in your life to be effective when you aren’t around? How will they learn to find their own answers? We aren’t enabling others to be the best them if we continue to pick up their pieces for them. If a person doesn’t know where to start, or needs encouragement in the beginning processes, we are to be a light for them and show them the way.
Related Post: Humbly help someone that cannot help you.
In reading the book Boundaries, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, a few points really surfaced some hard realities to my life as I try to fill gaps in peoples lives I am not meant to fill:
Key Points of Consideration:
- Rescuing someone is not loving them
- Even when our lives seem to be in order, isolation guarantees spiritual vulnerability
- It’s far better to be empathetic, but at the same time refuse to be a safety net
- Welcome consequences as a teacher
“ Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.” Hebrews 5:7-8 NIV
Encourage Others to Get Answers
Enable people to think for themselves and have a sense of responsibility to find answers. They can get their own answers. An overwhelming amount of excuses and buts are not going to move someone further ahead in their life. Continuing to allow it from our side of fence does not good either. God longs for the best in us. We are called to help our brothers and sisters in Christ, so don’t misunderstand these points. Recognize that we can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves. Like the old adage, “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”
The freedom in teaching others how to find solutions for themselves is the true victory. I was recently in a relationship, and I was always ready with an answer. It was always me this person came to with problems instead of coming to me with ideas and solutions.
In the Parable of the Bags of Gold, we learn an important lesson about how to solve problems and think for ourselves. We are to teach others and multiply what God has given us. We cannot sit around and wait for the answers to fall in our laps.