If I go on a trip, I like to be the one who has a game plan; how we’re going to get to the airport, where the best places to eat, sightsee, etc. When asked what my five-year plan was in interviews, I was the person who had a well thought out and strategic vision of what my life would unfold to be; and then I met God and learned about the wait.
I remember when I was 22. Fresh out of college, ambitious and bright-eyed, not at all intimidated to take on the world. I had recently found my way into the church and started to discover a real relationship with God. I joined a women’s small group, all of who were older than me, some in their late 20’s others in their mid-30’s. One night, I remember we were talking about jobs, or relationships, maybe God whispers, but for some reason, I brought up that I knew exactly what I wanted to do and how I was going to get there.
I knew because I had a plan, and I wasn’t going to wait.
The girls in the group all stopped, looked at me, and started laughing. Then one of them said, “I remember when I used to plan everything too.” Their reactions were odd to me.
Looking back, though, I suppose what they were trying to say in an older sister type of “I know better” way was that our plans and God’s plans don’t always match up the way we envision, but if we’re willing to wait and act in God’s timing, then the outcome is far greater.
For me, that took a lot of getting used to, or rather a lot of trusting in God. Remember, I’m a planner, and as such most planners don’t like letting someone else take the reigns, even if that someone is God. It definitely took a lot for me to understand that God always has my best interest in mind and that He sees the whole picture, whereas we only see a small corner. Maybe if I had grasped that concept early, I could’ve saved myself a lot of disappointment when things didn’t work out the way I wanted. Never the less, I learned to let go and trust. And then life was easy. Wrong.
Even though I had learned to trust, it still took me even longer to learn to enjoy the wait.
I like many, have been given a vision of God’s will for my life. There was a moment a couple of years ago that I decided I would help fast track this vision by going to grad school. It happened, I got accepted, and I was ready to move. But then, I couldn’t get any funding, and slowly one thing led to another, and finally, I had to write the school and say I wouldn’t be attending in the fall. I was mad. Mad at God, mainly.
Related Post: Thanking God For My Past and Trusting Him For The Future
Here I was doing my part to move things along in the vision of what He had given me. There I thought He was making it impossible for me. I didn’t understand. Then in the midst of my pouting and anger, I was offered a job, not just any job, a job doing the exact thing I was going to be studying, the thing I had already written off and deemed myself unqualified for. (God’s a comedian, I swear it.) I couldn’t believe it! Instantly I felt guilty that I questioned God in the first place. I took the job, and in the height of my excitement, I couldn’t help but think, ‘God, but what about the word you gave me? How am I going to get there, being here?’ and God gave me a vision.
This was that of a surfer riding a wave. I was the surfer, gliding in a tunnel of water perfectly timed. Perfectly timed for me to experience before arriving at the other end. Then I heard a whisper, “Enjoy the wave. Not every season is meant for suffering and hard work; you’re allowed to enjoy them too.”
There it was. The permission I’d never given myself, the permission to enjoy the moments between point A and point B.
I had always been so preoccupied thinking what’s my next move. So much so that when it came time to move forward, I found myself reminiscing on my experience. Reminiscing instead of experiencing them at the moment. So I decided then and there, in that season, the season I’m still currently in, to allow myself to experience it. Experience the good, the bad, and the ugly. In doing this, I’ve given myself room for growth and self-forgiveness. I’ve found the greatest reward of all in this freedom to enjoy the life I live.