In this episode of the Paradigm Shift Podcast, Alex Sanfilippo and his wife/guest Alecia Sanfilippo share their thoughts on how to be married. In this episode, they share practical advice and tips for having an awesome marriage. This is for people who are married or want to be married one day.
If you’re not married, be sure to grab a copy of our free eBook titled, Finding Love.
How to be Married Show Notes:
We’re going to start off by discussing the meaning of the saying, “two become one flesh.”
There is a spiritual element to this as found in Genesis, Matthew, and Mark. But, people tend to over-spiritualize it. It doesn’t mean you have to become the same person, it means you work together to both achieve your unique callings. Think of it as a support system.
Here are 6 tips for how to be married while keeping it awesome:
We have 6 big ideas to share for how to be married. You can be married without this, but this is how you make your marriage really awesome and experience longevity in your relationship.
#1. Keeping God first
This is the most crucial point. God must be before anything else in your marriage. The more you focus on God individually, the closer you’ll get to your spouse. Our favorite course on this topic is You and Me Forever by Francis and Lisa Chan; we highly recommend checking it out. Keeping God first is our definition for how to be married.
#2. Don’t be a jerk
This point is funny, but it’s also real and practical. Stop being selfish. Think of your spouse before yourself. Do the small things to be a more helpful person. Be thoughtful and considerate.
#3. Fight for resolution, not to win
Don’t fight to be right. Fight to bring peace back to the family. We all want to be right, that’s why we push our point. But we don’t have to be. Being quiet is okay. It’s the example that Jesus set for us.
#4. Deep communication
This is a big point. Lack of communication causes a lot of problem in relationships. Deep communication means you set aside intentional time to talk about important things! This is important to do both before you’re married and once you are married. Set aside intentional time to communicate deeply with no distractions. No TV, no smartphones, no multitasking. Remember, just because you’re talking doesn’t mean you’re really communicating.
Just because you're talking doesn't mean you're communicating and connecting.
This is a big part of how to be married. The topic of community was discussed on the Paradigm Shift Podcast 2 episodes ago, you can listen to it here. You must have a network of people around you that can help you grow in your marriage. Community, in general, is an important point and one that must be taken seriously. Isolation in marriage is extremely dangerous.
#6. Experiences, having fun together.
When you first get with someone, you start by going on dates and doing new things. This should never stop. You have to continuously find things to do that you will remember years later. Fun and experiences are essential. You have to get out of the house, you have to go do something that you enjoy.
One last big idea: Seek to serve not to be served.
Jesus came to serve, not to be served. That is what His life was all about. Our lives and marriages should reflect the life of Jesus. Serving one another doesn’t always have to be a “big thing.” Doing small things every day are what make the difference. Build a lifestyle of serving your spouse. This is what makes a healthy marriage. Our first opportunity to serve God when we wake up in the morning happens through serving our spouse.
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