Love Doesn’t Hurt. Loving the Wrong Person Does.

Having a strong relationship with the Lord will help you be wise when making decisions. Especially decisions about love and loving relationships.

Love Doesn't Hurt. Loving the Wrong Person Does.

Who’s been in love? Hands down, I’m sure most of you have at least once in your life. I’ve been in love multiple times. Most of those times loving caused me some serious hurt. Hurt that took months and even years to fully heal. I now have a better understanding of what dating should look like. It’s definitely not going out with multiple guys until you feel “loved” by one of them.

Especially after having gone through a major heartbreak, I had enough with the “trial and error.” I told myself I was no longer going to date any guy unless I saw a reflection of Jesus in him and the word “marriage” was a possibility.

Fast-forward a couple years to my early 20’s, I remember meeting a guy who reflected Jesus (check). After months of getting to know him the word “marriage” came to mind (check). Instantly I thought, “Wow! This guy could be “The One.” He loves God, he goes to church, he serves and leads others, and he respected me.

So I continued dating him, hoping things would work out between us. As time progressed, my relationship with this guy had grown exponentially. Grown to the point that I was emotionally invested in him-cared about him so deeply that I became vulnerable to being hurt by him.

We should not allow ourselves to become emotionally invested in someone very quickly. When we do so, we can set ourselves up for disappointment and heartache. Especially when the other person chooses not to reciprocate that same investment in you.

Truth of the matter is, it hurts to not feel loved or appreciated by someone you genuinely and deeply care about.

Being wise about how we approach that person is important in order to minimize the chances of heartache or disappointment. Wisdom follows knowledge. Proverbs 1:7 quotes,

“Fear of the Lord is the foundation of true knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.”

Having a strong relationship with the Lord will help you be wise when making decisions. Reflecting back on my relationship with this guy, I wish I had taken the time to really comprehend the possible outcomes. The outcomes of the unwise action I chose when I found myself in a love triangle with him.

Instead of distancing myself and guarding my heart, I lingered and found myself competing for the love, affection, and attention of a guy who claimed he liked me, yet his motives reflected otherwise. I was emotionally invested in him, and therefore I was blinded from realizing he was indeed the wrong person to be investing my time and love in.

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After it was all said and done, there was no longer a love triangle. Instead there was a confused young lady with a shattered heart from the unmet expectations she had strategically planned out in her head. You see, I had invested myself so much emotionally by caring for him, spending time with him, and trying my best to show my sincere love towards him, that I became vulnerable. Vulnerable to being hurt by him, and hurt, I got. It was during this season of heartbreak that I constantly asked myself, “Why does love hurt?”

I was upset at God for the circumstances I found myself in.

  • “It’s not fair God!”
  • “Why me?”
  • “What did I do wrong?”
  • “I don’t deserve this!”

After questioning God for quite a while, He gently answered my cry as I read one of my favorite bestselling author’s books, Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst. In her book, she mentions,

“There is usually some element of protection wrapped in every rejection.”

Suddenly, after I read this, I was lifted up from the pit of rejection and placed in a season of wait.

I finally understood why I had experienced that heartbreak. It wasn’t because God didn’t love me or didn’t want the best for me. It was quite the opposite. He allowed this heartbreak because He loves me and wants the absolute best for me! God loves you and wants the absolute best for you too!

Although this guy was a good guy with good qualities, he was simply not the right man for me. I couldn’t see it then, but now I know the purpose of that heartbreak. Through this heartbreak God taught me that love in fact does not hurt.

Love gives life!

It heals, restores, forgives, protects, and makes all things new! God gave me life through a change in perspective of my heartbreak, he healed and restored my heart, He strengthened me with the ability to fully forgive, He protected me from the unknown, and He made all things new for me! How awesome is He!

Beloved brothers and sisters, do not waste your time trying to impress someone you know in your heart is not right for you. Be wise with your words and actions. Don’t commit the mistake of falling short trying to make a person fall in love with you. Learn to wait well for that special someone God has specifically set apart for you.

Don’t worry about when you’ll be “taken,” instead pray for your future husband. Thank God for all He’s done, all He’s doing, and all He is going to do in your life! Go deeper with God and tell Him what you desire in your future spouse.

Trust me, once you shift your focus from your heartbreak and the wrong person, to the one who makes all things new, there is a peace that transcends all understanding, guarding your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6-7 ESV).

God’s perspective of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4 is defined as:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.”

Although this season of heartbreak was devastating, I am grateful for the wisdom I obtained through it. Greateful for the strength I have acquired to depend on God for His perfect plans and desires for my life.

I encourage you to take a moment to ponder on your relationship with that person you so deeply care about.

What are your motives and intentions towards that person? Meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4, are you reflecting love the way Jesus views it? Lastly, have you surrendered your feelings of love towards that person to God? Have you asked Him to have His way despite what you feel? Ask God if that person is the right person for you.

Remember, simply because he portrays great qualities you admire, does not mean they are the right person for you to pursue. Let God write your love story instead of trying to make it happen on your own. When we try to take matters into our own hands, rather than allowing God to be God, our plans can quickly collide resulting in a huge messy pile of regret, disappointment, and confusion.

My prayer is that you would learn to trust God in this area of your life. Learn to wait well no matter your circumstances. Love is a beautiful and powerful gift. How you handle love now will ultimately dictate your future love story. Remember, love doesn’t hurt, loving the wrong person does.

Question from Crystal Castillo, the author.

What attribute of love as defined in 1 Corinthians 13:4 speaks to you the most? And why?

Written by Crystal Castillo

I am a simple girl with a heart and strong passion to see people embrace their journey by knowing their identity in Christ.

6 thoughts on “Love Doesn’t Hurt. Loving the Wrong Person Does.

  1. First off thanks for sharing your story transparently. What you went through is rough… It’s happened to many of us. For me it always goes back to following and pursuing God before anything and anyone else.

    I love this part “God gave me life through a change in perspective of my heartbreak, he healed and restored my heart, He strengthened me with the ability to fully forgive, He protected me from the unknown, and He made all things new for me! How awesome is He!”

    Remember to guard your heart! 🙂

  2. Hey Crystal! What a deeply vulnerable and beautiful story you shared, thank you! Too true, sometime we see what we want to see, and we ignore the rest of the signs that can be there. I have similar experience…it took me some time to realize that this guy was only ‘pretending’ to be who he thought I wanted him to be.
    It was very discouraging, but Jesus helped me through that season so gently and so patiently! He also helped me to not get back into that toxic relationship because he kept showing me my true value and worth and my identity. (Who I truly am) (Ephesians 1) A friend told me this once- Jesus died so you can have healthy relationships! That really blew my mind and really made me think. The best for my life, is God’s best. So I just keep seeking Him, relationship with Jesus and I am trusting that everything else will come, and when the time is right I will be led by His peace to make the right choice as to my husband. Thank you again! Loved this article, it really inspired me.

    1. Sumeshnee, I’m glad you were inspired! All honor and glory to God who gave me the strength to share this part of my journey with you. Thank you for sharing part of your story with me as well! I’m encouraged by what God has done in you through that experience.

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