The amount of songs written about love, about being hurt in love and about that age-old conundrum of unrequited love, is pretty evident when you just switch on the radio. Why is it that we are such suckers for a sad, love song? Through the years, the tune changes, the words evolve and the music may have gotten more dance/techno, but the premise is the same. Boy likes girl, boy pursues girl. Girl finally agrees. Girl hurts boy. Boy writes song about it. Or vice versa.
From The Script, to Daughtry, Dean Lewis, Katy Perry, Selena Gomez, to Adele and Sam Smith. The list is endless…Why do we enjoy wallowing in our pain? Perhaps the pity party aids us in getting over how we feel, or does it just add to the sadness?
According to an article in Psychology Today, we are craving connection with someone who understands our sadness, and through the song, we feel that this singer does. Makes sense, right?
Connection is important for us as human beings, but wallowing too much can prove to be detrimental, not only to your emotional wellbeing, but also to your physical.
The reason why this can be so dangerous, is that, we end up going into new relationships, but with the old mind set. We feel that we are just ‘settling’ for this person, as we are living in the aftermath of ‘the one that got away’.
As you believe in your heart, so will it be. (Proverbs 23:7 NLT)
It is a highly romantic way of thinking but also, mostly, self-destructive, in the area of relationships.
It probably sounds insensitive to tell someone to ‘get over it’ or ‘move on’. Yet the one thing I would say, that has helped me, is going to Jesus with my broken heart and letting him heal me and minister to me.
Believing in His love for me, and his value of me, defeats all those other voices.
When someone cheats on you, or breaks your heart or betrays you in anyway, I want you to know that, your value does not change. It was never dependent on them to start off with. You are priceless because of what Jesus did for you on that cross. He thought you were worth dying for.
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Yes, we forgive the offender and in time the wound will heal. Yet if we keep going to interfere with the wound, taking off the plaster, to make sure it’s still there, we slow down the process of healing. Forgiveness is an important part of the healing journey and letting go.
Cast you cares upon Jesus, for he cares for you. (1 Peter 5:7 NLT)
Speak to him about it. He understands betrayal and heartache like no other. So, yes, listen to the sad love song if you want to, but when you are done, just know that Jesus is standing with arms wide open, hoping that you will run into them and receive from Him.
Jesus died so that we could have healthy relationships. Yet, just like a relationship with Him, he never forces us or coerces us into anything. We have to make the choice. We have to choose to believe that there is better out there for us.
Some sad love songs make it seem like, heartache is the norm, that pain and betrayal just happens.
They can even make you believe that true love is always out of your grasp. Make you believe you can never trust people. Yet, the truth is that our relationships and marriages can be healthy. We have to choose to stay healthy spiritually, which will in turn impact all other areas of our lives. This includes our emotions. Healthy, happy relationships should be the norm. We have been translated out of the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of Jesus. (Colossians 1:13 NLT)
Yet if we have not chosen to renew our minds in this area of relationships, we will still act like the old person. Yet the bible is clear, we are new creations, when we receive Jesus. The old is gone, the new has come. (2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT)
You are the child of a King and Jesus died so that you can have a healthy relationship. Don’t let the world and society make you cynical and negative about this.