A year ago, life looked a lot different. In fact, we were in the midst of some heavy tribulation, a journey. As I looked at the things around me unraveling I fought to understand what God was doing with it all. My husband and I had stepped out in obedience to some major things. In faith, we walked them out for some time only to find ourselves at the foot of the dissolution of it all.
I remember a time when I could envision what my future looked like. One of the biggest factors was life abroad as missionaries. Essentially, we had allowed our hearts to faithfully jump into something. We had an idea of what we thought the result would look like. We were as excited as we were scared. But, we trusted God and over that last year we really did everything we could to walk it out obediently. The problem was that I viewed our obedience as a destination. When that destination was radically changed, I was left feeling like our past year had been in vain. I mourned the labor we had poured into the last year only to see it all wiped away.
There are so many examples of blind obedience in the bible
I think of Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice Issac. Also, Noah building an ark when some speculate it may have never rained up until that point in history. And, of course, I think of Moses. I’m often lost in the obsession of trying to understand what God is doing. I realize I am living and acting out of works and flesh not love and trust.
I admire Moses the most because of his long endurance of trust based submission towards God. He trusted that God called him to bring the Israelite’s out of slavery. Moses trusted God and led His people out of Egypt where they would spend 40 years in the wilderness. They daily depended on God to provide Manna to eat and water to drink. I have no doubt that Moses had moments of doubt and fear of the responsibility of his obedience. Moses lacked foreknowledge of what the outcome would be. But, we know Moses was faithful even when he didn’t feel adequate for the calling.
The truth is, we are all called to a daily obedience. An obedience that is not contingent on the result or idea of what we think should happen. Obedience is not a destination. It’s a daily surrendering of our agendas over God’s; without expecting any certain outcome. A journey with Him. In my walk with God, I have slowly learned that the outcome I imagine is usually far from the reality of what is. Most importantly, how important that is in differentiating my agenda from God’s.
Daily obedience never ends
My husband and I have spent the last year picking up the pieces of this dissolved endeavor. Only to find that daily obedience never ends. It’s never a destination. It involves a constant state of exalting a God above ourselves and our lives. It means giving up our fleshly desires and trading them for heavenly focused ones. For once in a long time, I have no clue as to what the next five years look like for us. I do know that I wake up day in and day out trusting and living by the leading of the Lord. I know that’s my only responsibility. To faithfully trust Him and serve Him day in and day out. To not look at outward securities to assure me of my success in this submission to God. Instead, looking to His word for the confirmation and affirmation that I need.
God’s Plan is bigger than any journey I can imagine
No longer will I depend on a 5-year plan to assure me of God’s purpose. God is my journey. I will lift one foot in front of the other trusting Him with no expectations. Working to live out the callings He has placed on my life. I hope at the end of my life, I am shocked in the ways He has used my family’s life. I’m praying that it’s a thousand times different than anything I can dream up in my head. I trust that my Fathers ways, are so much grander than mine.
“And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.” – 2 John 1:16 NIV