The romance died. It was the romance that led me and my husband to get on a plane to meet the children we would call our own through adoption. The romance with God that led us to take a leap and help start a ministry in a foreign country. The romance that lifted our feet and drug us to new and exciting adventures. Adventures that were way outside our comfort zone. But the overwhelming love-struck awe carried us to places we would never have been able to get to on our own accord.
I sat at breakfast this morning, attempting to have a quiet time. Around me was a messy house and unruly children running around in pajamas past noon. I was trying to suck down the last morsel of my morning coffee so I could tackle this mountain of tasks for the day. In this moment, I realized that I no longer felt that love struck feeling I felt with God a few years ago. To be honest I hadn’t for some time. If I could pin point it I would say that the last year or so, I lost it. I lost it amongst the undeniable real life that was happening all around me.
The real struggles of parenting children from rough pasts, the overwhelming disappointments of a dissolved ministry and illness… The list could go on. As I sat at my breakfast table I tried to remember a time I was head over heels in love with God. A time where He could have asked me to do anything and I would have dropped anything to do it. Because that’s what you do when you’re in love. You are enraptured in it. All rationality by the wayside. You take risks, you seek adventure; and we did. It was glorious. I can remember that feeling of trusting Him so deeply that I would get on a plane to meet two children I’ve never met or seen and say, “Yes God”, “Here I am, send me”.
But today I’m tired. I’m not the girl I was three years ago.
But I am the girl who has lived out the realities of following the head of God; it’s not always easy. It’s real and it’s messy. And it’s not all, “date nights and roses”, its commitment and perseverance. Its faithfulness. It’s doing hard things when no one’s watching. It’s being inconvenienced at the highest level of what our flesh wants to do. And it’s a relentless pursuit of Him even when your realities don’t look very pretty.
I guess it’s kind of like marriage.
That analogy makes my feeble human mind understand the beauty. Because like my relationship with God, I am also not the same girl my husband met almost 12 years ago at 20 years old. I’ve been through a lot of life. “We’ve” been through a lot of life. Just because my husband and I aren’t in a place of doing grandiose gestures daily like we did in the beginning, does not in any way mean we aren’t in love. I can honestly say we are more in love now. Our love has stood the test of years together. It preservers through the trials and stressors of the daily “real life” that isn’t glamorous or beautiful. But, we wake up choosing to love each other every day and do it all over again.
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I see that my relationship with God isn’t always an over the top love affair. But, sometimes it’s choosing Him daily through obedience. It’s reading His word when I can’t keep my eyes open at night. It’s trusting His will and His sovereign goodness even when my situation tells me otherwise. When I had this realization; I could finally comprehend what a beautiful love it is. A love that is unchanging despite my daily circumstances. Is the romance there like it was? Not like it was, but I’m okay with that!
Like my marriage, time has shown me that the love is true and the Bible tells me that these tired bones will be restored. It’s just a season. It’s a beautiful season because I know how much I love the Lord without the “date nights and roses“. Even without the romance, my faithfulness is unwavering for a God that I want to spend the rest of my life being faithful to. A God that is worth my praise, despite my circumstances or feelings.
A romance for the ages. The sweetest love story there could ever be.
My Prayer For Today
Father I pray for committed hearts that serve you despite the romanticized feelings. God give us perseverance to pursue you and your kingdom daily. Let us look beyond on feelings and circumstances to chase after a God who is so worthy of our praise. Fix our eyes on your kingdom purposes Father. Give us the strength to walk out your will. We know there is no better way to spend our lives. It is in your name we pray.