If you’re struggling to enjoy being single, I want to help you. Here’s the secret that set me free: If you want to REALLY enjoy your single life, then you have to learn how to enjoy YOUR life.
Maybe, like me, you’ve bought into the lie that life doesn’t start until you’re married. Friend, that’s so far from the truth. Jesus didn’t die on the cross solely for those who would be married one day. God’s not waiting for you to have a ring on your finger to use you to impact this world and further His kingdom. There is so much God wants you to experience in this season.
John 10:10 NIV tells us that Jesus came to give us life more abundant. That promise is for the single, married, divorced, and widowed.
What Do You Want?
You want a relationship? That’s great, but what else do you want? What has God called you to do? What dreams have God placed in your heart? Now is the time to pursue those things. Ask yourself, “ Do I find my worth and purpose in being a wife or being in Christ?” Years ago my answer was the former, but now it’s the latter. If you find yourself answering the former, know that there’s no condemnation. We’re all a work in progress. Just make sure you’re working toward the right thing – wholeness in Jesus.
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Paul writes in the 1 Corinthians 7 that a single person’s interest is undivided. They can be completely focused on serving God. I know it’s hard and the hormones are real, but listen to me, God’s got you! You don’t have the relationship yet, but what you do have is Jesus. A relationship with Him is more fulfilling than any earthly relationship could ever be. If you want to enjoy your life right now, then I encourage you to do three things –
1. Discover Who God Made You To Be
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. – Ephesians 2:10 NIV
I want you to ask yourself – Who am I becoming? Are you so focused on finding a mate that you’ve neglected finding yourself? Or your purpose? You weren’t created solely for marriage, you were created for God. Take this time to discover your purpose, deepen your intimacy with God, heal, change, and grow in confidence. Let Him transform you into the person He created you to be. Then, you won’t place your identity in a relationship or another person’s expectations because it will be firmly rooted in Christ.
2. Surrender Your Plan and Timeline
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. – Isaiah 55:8-9 NIV
In my experience, the quickest path to frustration and discontentment is not embracing the season you’re in. Focusing on what you’re “lacking” won’t do anything except ruin your peace.
You may not understand God’s plan in your single life, but I can speak from experience that it’s for your good – ALWAYS. Don’t dwell on what you’re missing. Instead, focus on embracing what you have and what God is calling you to do. I’ve left jobs, moved cities, and let go of friendships – all at the prompting of the Holy Spirit. It wasn’t easy, but it always worked out. In the end, God’s timing will make sense. But while you’re in the middle – choose to have faith and embrace the journey.
3. Realize that You’re Not Waiting to Be Loved
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. – Romans 8:6-8 NIV
You’re not waiting to be loved. YOU ARE LOVED. This was a big one for me. We may not have a significant other but you know what we do have? A God who loves each of us unconditionally, knows our sins and flaws, and accepts us anyway. He chose you before you chose Him. You don’t have to search for love, He gives it freely. You don’t have to seek out attention, God’s sees you. Get to know God as the lover of your soul, and give Him the chance to fill the voids in your heart.
Single Doesn’t Mean Less Than
Single may be your relationship status, but it is not your identity. You are a child of God, period. This world will try to define you by what you do and don’t have, but you don’t accept that as truth. I pray your courageous enough to embrace the story God is writing with your life, and be a living testimony that single doesn’t mean lonely, less than, undesirable or unwanted. It simply means single.