I don’t know about you, but there have been recent times in my life where I have felt no appreciation what so ever. I have gone through seasons of feeling defeated and unworthy. Feelings of not being good enough, not being pretty enough, being made fun of for my personality and oh yes… not having the right body type. Talk about ways to really put a person down. Harsh words, right? Yes, I know, but it’s real. These feelings are not fake. These words hurt and damage people deep within. We can really feel these ways and suffer immensely from the words people say and the downstream impacts on our feelings can be forever damaged.
Defeat can come in different forms.
In my workplace last year, I went through a horrible season of feeling defeated. There wasn’t a single day I went to work where I felt like I actually accomplished something. My peers weren’t getting along, the team wasn’t operating at its best and I could not get my own attitude to adjust. I knew fixing my own stance would help my mindset, but for some reason, I wasn’t able to get it quite right. Day in and day out, my position was not right.
Operating out of a position of grace was not my main priority. This was the problem.
Taking a few weeks off after having thyroid surgery I knew a change was necessary. I had a new appreciation for life and my future. Having to face the hurdles of surgery and not being able to move around like I am accustomed to shed new light on my perspective. I was spiraling downhill in a position that was no longer rewarding.
The feeling of defeat is not a healthy one to stay in.
Feeling unappreciated and unworthy can hurt to the core.
Marriage isn’t easy. A marriage that doesn’t foster mutual respect and appreciation is even worse. I was in a relationship and married for 10 years and was not appreciated. Not matter how hard I tried, or what I did, it was never enough. I was emotionally and mentally drained. Giving 110% and only receiving 50% in return.
Going through the motions, with no emotion was the hardest thing I ever did.
My mindset at the time was, why should I continue to emotionally and mentally invest in someone if it’s not going to be reciprocated? The wrong mindset to have… I know. Knowing the stance I was in, I sought counseling for myself. Then I made a huge step and asked for counseling as a couple. I knew that if I could change my outlook and work on myself, I might be able to save my marriage.
Little did I know, the feelings of being unworthy damaged my core in ways that were almost irreversible.
After months of going to counseling on my own, I learned a lot about myself. No, it wasn’t all good either. I had flaws in my character, flaws in my mindset, flaws in my communication style, flaws, flaws and more flaws. Was I giving these flaws to God? Nope. Was I taking these flaws to the altar for God to mold and correct them? No way! I never thought I was worthy of receiving better. Feeling as though my current situation was my only reality and all that God would be giving me. These feelings stuck with me. I thought I was supposed to stay in that current situation regardless of the facts.
Related Post: Do What God Asks You to Do So You Can Be Free
I had to learn:
Outcome is Gods responsibility; Obedience is our responsibility.
Not the ideal outcome, but several years ago I divorced my ex-husband. The daily routines and what use to be pleasurable moments were full of guilt, poor communication and resentment. As a wife, I did what I knew to be best. I was seeking Christian counseling, being submissive, working through trials and marital issues. Regardless, we still were still not synching. I was falling away from God, which is the opposite of what I knew I needed in my life. Appreciation for each other did not exist. I no longer loved the person I was with; in reality, I no longer loved myself.
Overcoming feelings of being unappreciated at home takes self-evaluation.
During these years I had to re-learn who I was. Learning to appreciate myself was hard. I spent so many years trying to be something for someone, instead of growing and developing myself as a follower of Jesus Christ. Because of this, I was spending time in the world. Trying to satisfy fleshly desires of others, instead of being firmly secure in the true rock of my salvation. Instead of living my life in Christ like I knew to be best, I was trying to force behaviors that weren’t genuine.
These roles are not for you to stay in. Just like seasons are only for a short period of time. Learn from them, grow from them, then pray for God to open the next door for you. And He will. I had to learn some things the hard way first. Once God could trust that I learned from the process, He began to open doors for me that I never thought possible. I started to excel in all areas of my life.
True love doesn’t come from anyone here on this earth.
The only love that will satisfy the cravings of your heart is God. I know it sounds cliché, but trust, when you give it to him, he knows how to care for you better than any person walking this earth.