Waiting and rushing. Quite possibly the biggest pit the enemy has given us in order to turn us inwardly focused. God has been speaking to me a lot about time these past few months. The mysteries of it… His power over it, our misunderstandings of it. Time is one of those things that makes me utterly in awe of God. I’m overcome with the fact that in my nimble mind I will never understand it. Whether it’s in my waiting, or rushing, I’m always attempting to manipulate it. As history has proven, time makes no adjustments for me and my demands. Yet with Gods perfect wisdom, He allows it to determine my steps.
As we waited for our adoption to take place, time drug as the months passed. The moment I held a test with two little pick lines I prayed for a multiplication of months. I was feeling the need to prepare for a baby that was unexpected. The four months we spent in Central America waiting for approval to bring our children home to the states, felt like years. I longed to have normalcy in a land where I would have support in that new season. However; as we celebrated our two year anniversary with the kids I begged God would slow down the time that was passing before my eyes. As their baby teeth began to fall out and they reached new milestones I was faced with the fact that this precious time was passing.
All the things I want to do better and I always leave it to for later completion. I have asked for multiplication of time and redo’s. And though this internal struggle with time has been a constant in my life, only one consistency remained, I could never control it. Trying to rush it was not the answer. At least until the day I felt like I understood something about it. It was the day God revealed to me that only I could decide my posture in it. Whether it was in my waiting or rushing I am accountable for how I walk it out. Lately I have heard Ephesians 5:15-16 NLT echoing in my head:
“Look carefully then how you walk. Making the best use of your time”
As it turns out we spend much of our life either waiting or rushing. Very rarely do we find ourselves somewhere in the middle. At this present moment I find myself in the middle of waiting and rushing simultaneously. We are in so many transitions, some I cannot share yet but I some days I am lost. I can feel like I am swept up with the waiting and rushing simultaneously. This has brought me to my knees and continually reminds me how much I need God. I want to press pause and retreat in my little house and not come out for a while, I want to push aside any intentional acts because they seem to time consuming.
Controlling the Waiting
It reminds me how human I am. How easily circumstances around me are able to control me. When I think about my posture in it all, I can’t help but feel like it’s not at all God glorifying. It’s “me” exulting. It exemplifies my hopes, fears, and insecurities and takes my eyes off the only constant in my life and that is Jesus. When I look back to so many past seasons in my life I realize I the paralyzing effects of “waiting” or the “rushing”. Almost as if I pressed pause on my dependence on God. I was too busy inwardly focusing on my current battle with time and what I was waiting for or rushing towards.
Related Post: When God Interrupts Your Plans
What I realize in this newest season is that having an inward focus will always leave us feeling unfulfilled. The lie of the enemy is that we fall into these lulls of “waiting” or general busyness. The lie negates our need to be living out the gospel. The truth is, our duty as Christians has nothing to do with our circumstance. In fact, it is in spite of our present circumstances.
John Piper says it beautifully;
“Perhaps there’s a whole theology of time management just below the surface at the end of Paul’s short letter to his protégé Titus. “Let our people learn to devote themselves to good works,” he writes, “so as to help cases of urgent need, and not be unfruitful” (Titus 3:14 NLT) Fruitfulness means meeting others’ needs with “good works”- expenditures of our time, energy and money in the service of love – which will be proactive and reactive. Without scheduling, we will falter at the proactive; without flexibility we’ll be unavailable for the reactive.
Just maybe, when we can lift our eyes off our present circumstances. The waiting, or rushing become irrelevant because God redirects our purpose. Redirected to what we are to do on this earth. Let us not push pause. Let us not retreat, but in our waiting or anticipating new chapters, let us stay outwardly focused. May we never forget the call God has given us. Never forget the precious, precious time He entrusts us with. Although we cannot control it, we can rest in it and trust that He is sovereign over it all.